Friday, March 31, 2006

The thing that sleeps inside of me...

In a way, I feel much better after the last entry. I feel less depressed. There is still anger in me directed at me but I think I can shrug this one off a little bit easier than before. I can ignore it for awhile without the need of sleep. Which means the anger is starting to go back to it's original place.

Buried way deep into my subconsious, waiting for the next time it is woken up.

I guess, I'm just used to pretending that my feelings aren't really mine. Makes it easier to ignore and forget about them. Oh my, maybe that's why I'm so messed up deep inside because I never deal with my problems and emotions properly.

I can't help it ok? I've been that way for so long... and plus, nobody else wants to listen about my pitiful problems and emotions. Not even myself.

On a brighter side, the first ever youth celebration is coming up. I feel a little overwhelmed with excitement. But in a way, I don't want to be anywhere near our leader, because I'm scared I'm gonna screw up something she asks me to do. Which is always a fear of mine. I mean, I love my youth leader. She is an amazing woman of God, but sometimes, when she scolds me, and I know it's for the best, I just feel so much anger directed at me. Not from her, but from me. You know what I'm talking about.

The angry monkey in me is always awoken by her.

Lotsa love, Jana

Labels: Lying broken in pieces, Olden days

by jana at 8:31 AM |