Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Facing the evil thing that makes me weak...

Today has been quite an eventful day and yet, I feel drained. Feel heavy and just so drained. It's just weird how a lot of stuff has happened. It just bites what I'm feeling right now. It feels like somebody dropped a very heavy weight on top of me.

How fun am I? Now is not the time for anyone to keep me company. Why because I'm going to lie to your face and say I'm incredibly happy. Even when it's obvious that I'm not. I'm just like that. But when I'm writing or putting myself into words, I tend to be very honest no matter what it's about.

Anyway, it's just kind of depressing. You know how I never want to be second place... and yet, here I am again, feeling so second place. It isn't fun. I just don't want to be the second choice out of all of this.

Let me make myself clear because you probably have no idea what the heck I'm talking about. I feel that the only reason why I am in this place that I am is because there was no one else there to choose. Because the original choice, the original one to be picked didn't show up.

I mean I see them talk. I see them laugh together. I see them and I realize that what I have is nothing compared to what they used to have and I ruined it. It was all my fault. I ruined it all.

I really don't feel so happy right now. I got to go read something that is going to make me laugh. I would need it.

Nobody ever really reads this blog anyway, they're just in it for the tagboard and seeing my layout. Honestly, does anyone out there really read about what I type in here? I doubt it.

Lotsa love, Jana

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