Monday, September 25, 2006

Hell hath no fury blah blah...

You were the first person I trusted in that whole campus.

My respect for you was beyond normal respect for other people. I practically had you on pedestal because you were so nice to me. You were there when I needed you.

So I returned the favor.

Whenever you asked for help, I was there. I tried to comfort you when you were in pain. I did everything and anything I could do to make sure you understood every freaking lesson that we had because I cared.

I can't believe you would be under that list.

The list-of-all-the-people-that-played-with-me-and-add-to-my-insecurity-crushing-my-trust-into-little-tiny-bits-of-powder-and-blew-at-it-so-that-if-I-tried-to-run-after-it-it-would-be-impossible-to-get-it-back-and-what-the-heck-have-I-no-worth-that-you-have-no-qualms-in-doing-that-to-me-you-are-such-a-*bleep*-and-I-know-I'm-supposed-to-forgive-and-forget-and-I-will-in-time-but-right-now-I-can't-help-but-picture-you-boiling-in-a-pot-of-oil-and-smile-and-why-not-you-deserve-it.

Yeah, you're in that list.

I'm not shoving everything I did for you into your face, but how dare you do that to me?

How dare you play with my head like that? How dare you lie to me like that? How dare you look at me straight in the eye and hurt me like that?

How dare you?!

I don't how this is going to end but I sincerely wish to never talk to you again. To never see your face again. To hope that you move colleges so that I don't have to face you every single day of my college life.

I sincerely hope that when I get the chance to slap you, it would hurt. That it would bruise and that it would takes several weeks for it to disappear.

What hurts the most is that you were supposed to be my friend.


No-love-at-all-right-now-not-even-a-teeny-tiny-bit, Jana


In the end, as I have said, I finally did forgive him.

Unfortunately, I haven't had a decent conversation with him ever since out of complete lack of that feeling of... well friendliness.

I don't hold it against him anymore.

But it's hard to become his little sister and for me to have him as my big brother again.

Lotsa love, Jana



Blogger shock said...

You do know I still wanna smash his good for nothing motherf*ck!ng face in right? I don't care if he's semi-forgiven or not... -shockman

3:34 AM 

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