Friday, February 23, 2007

Thirteen hours and fourty-two minutes...

10 pm.

I'm sitting on the bed and the it's light's off. Everyone is lying on their own bed either falling asleep, trying hard not to fall asleep or trying hard to fall asleep. I was the only one in the room sitting down.

Earphones in my ear, music blared loudly and filling my head. It felt like all of the cells in my body was being filled with the music that continues to shuffle from one song to another. It didn't matter what kind of genre was playing, as long as the volume was loud, it was enough.

Enough to make me forget for awhile that I was wrong.

3.30 am.

I had finally fallen asleep at around 1 am earlier, but I was jolted out of my not-so-peaceful-nightmare-filled-sleep with the image that shocked and nearly caused me to scream my lungs and heart out.

I was sweating so much. Maybe because I was really afraid of something that I can barely even remember.

It's funny isn't it?

Why is it so easy to forget a nightmare the moment you wake up? Why is it easy to forget something that almost made you vommit just a few moments ago?

And you're left with just the fear. The encompassing undescribable fear of falling back to sleep because you don't know what you're gonna face. It's the unknown that is preventing me from falling back asleep.

4.30 am.

In thirty minutes the rising bell is going to ring and I would have to "wake up".

Knowing my luck, it's about this time that I feel the lack of sleep overcoming me and if I don't watch out, it will attack and then I'll be in trouble when the monitor checks for those who aren't awake.

11.42 am.

I barely managed to stay up at chapel today and the only reason why I managed to was because I scratched at my wound to keep from falling asleep.

I just realized that my monthly vistor of five red days has arrived.

It's safe to say, I think that I'm not having much of a good day.

Lotsa love, Jana



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