Sunday, August 17, 2008
It's back...Dear Jana,
It sucks doesn't it.
You think you're on top of the world and you think you're doing really well, and then you realize with one swift movement, you're down on the ground and you have no clue how to get up. And you're lying there all shocked and you don't know how what where when why it happened and you want to know except no one will tell you anything and all you do know is that this shit is happening to you.
And there's nothing you can do about it.
You want to cry, but what is that going to result it? Red, puffy eyes. I mean you're already tired and depressed, are you going to allow yourself to look like crap too? No, crying won't help solve anything.
But neither is acting strong and pretending that nothing is wrong, because nothing results from that either. Cause everyone will only think that your strong and the help that you need the most won't be offered because, dude you obviously don't need it, when in fact you really need it. Plus and it's pretentious and is tantamount to hypocrisy. So you are not only depressed you are also a hypocrite, how nice.
No, what you have to do is not to cry or act strong, but to change. To be resilient. You need stand up, wounded and broken and all, stand up and move on. The wounds may never heal properly and the scars may never disappear but you need to keep going.
There are certain things that you can't do on your own and if you keep relying on people, God will keep on taking them away, one by one, until you only have one person left to rely on. Until all you have is God and God is all you can rely on.
God gives and He takes away.
His name be praised.
So, yeah you're tired. You want this to stop. You want to just lie there and close your eyes so that you no longer hear or see all the crap happening around you. It doesn't matter. Stand up, because you haven't lost everything yet. Stand up, because even though life sucks, not everything about it sucks. Stand up, because though it seems hard to find them, there are still those who really care about you and they believe in you and yes they exist. Stand up, because the only time you really lose is when you don't get up at all.
And you know how I hate losers.
Lotsa love, Jana