Wednesday, April 05, 2006
It strikes when you least expect it...Well, I finally talked to her. I told her everything. And even though she didn't get angry, I still feel horrible about it. In a way I guessed I deserved to feel bad, I brought this upon myself, might as well face up to it and stand by my decision.
I'm the only one who knows what I'm going to be talking about in this section, except maybe for my friend, if she gets to read this. Anyway, I think I should end it. I mean, I'm scared that this is going to be another incident where all parties are gonna end up down on the ground, crying and in pain. Haha, with me at the bottom of the pile.
How am I going to be able to survive this? Why did I even put myself in a situation such as this? Am I dumb? Probably. No other reason why I keep getting stuck into this kind of messes. Will I ever learn? Probably not. I always mess up everything I ever do and get trusted with. I always, always do that.
Gosh, maybe no one should ever trust me of ever doing anything for them... or whatever. I can't even keep my own life intact without messing up every other day. I'm tired of messing up. I'm tired of just being this person who screws up. I'm afraid that I'll get so used to screwing up and then feeling bad about it that I wouldn't know how to change. I don't want to be like him ok?! I don't want to be so used being negative that when something positive actually comes, I'll just reject it.
Sombody end my misery please.
Lotsa love, Jana