Friday, April 21, 2006

It's stage fright, honest...

Screwing up plus anger-directed-at-me plus time alone equals to tears. I guess I'm just a crybaby. I have once again screwed up. What is wrong with me and my common sense? It's as if no matter how good my day is, something always happens that screws it all up. I am such a baby. I deserve to be shot.

Once again, I managed to screw up the transport thing. I should not have been appointed as the transport co-ordinator at all. In fact I should not have been trusted with any kind of job, because I always somehow screw it all up. No matter how hard I try, some stupid little mistake eventually screws everything up. I, therefore, ultimately, suck.

On a much happier note as I refuse to let this matter bring me down too much, I've had one really good day yesterday. In fact it would have been one of the best days if it wasn't for the screwing up the darn transport thing.

Let's see, why was that a good day? Well, I talked to him and of course, he managed to make me smile again. The night before, I felt a whole lot of frustration because of a lot of things and he just says one thing and I feel better. So yeah, he makes me feel better and everytime I talk to him. Even when I'm getting all insane, due to my insecurities, he still says something to make me feel better.

I'm sticking with my decision to letting him in because, of all things, he makes laugh. He makes me smile. Basically he just makes me feel better. And I need that right now, ok?

There has been a lot of frustration building up inside me and I feel the need to just rant about them, and I do that with him. He doesn't mind, in fact he even makes me forget them after a while. He is by far one of the best guys I've ever met.

Especially since I'm leaving soon, I could use someone to rely on, you know. And he's there whenever I need him. If you don't like my decision, I don't really care. Buzz off.

Anyway, I'm kinda tired because so far I've only slept for two hours, in two days. I haven't much of anything because I was too lazy to get up and get something at Bianca's place. So, I'm really going to be eating a lot for dinner.

I wish I was more humorous when it comes to blogging. I mean, it would be fun wouldn't it? More people will read my blog because it's funny and they won't get tired of reading the dreary life that is my own. I want to be as funny as Jam.

Since it's Saturday again and the celebration service is at RC Parish Hall, I can attend YDM again. Though I don't really know much of anyone at YDM, at least I feel like I don't have to be responsible for anything over there. I guess the thing is, I want to attend both Acts 29 and YDM. I don't know. I just do. Once again, if you don't like my decision, buzz off. It's my life and I'm living it the way I want to.

A happier news, my Ate Osie is pregnant. So congratulations to them and I hope that they're baby is going to be a very healthy one. I pray for good health and stuff. Now she's going to have to start working less. I know my ate. She always works, that girl. Plus, her boss is such weirdo and now she has an excuse to see him less. Haha.

By the way, before I forget. During Bianca's sleepover, they had this karaoke moment. I wanted to try my voice at it, as it is one of those type that give a score of how well you do after you sing. But due to the many people and the personal knowledge of the fact that I sound like a frog, I have decided to use the same excuse that Damien ("older brother" who lives in Melbourne, Australia) have used recently. I got stage fright.

Update more later. Got to do something for now.

Lotsa love, Jana

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