Saturday, April 01, 2006
A message for someone...It's hard to say what I feel just yet. I can try to wait, but I'm scared we both can't. I mean, the wait is years after all. I don't want to hold you back, and I don't want to hold myself back. Yes, I think you're really sweet and all that. Yes I don't see you as just a friend. You mean more to me than that, but it's hard because I'm going off to college and all that, in a different country. Separation made by oceans. Can we really do a long distance thing?
Do you really want to do that?
Let's see, reasons why we're going to have a hard time handling this relationship. There is no importance to the order. Though it may be the last, it doesn't meant it's the least important. First of all, the distance. It's hard having any kind of decent relationship with anyone to through the phone-calls/letters/e-mails. We'll be going through a lot of hard times and I'm scared that we'll go through times where we can't seem to trust each other. I want to trust you, and you to trust me.
Can you really do that?
Second, I don't want to go through another heartbreak you see. I went through it before, and I think I've had my fair share of it. If I go through it one more time, I don't think I can take it. So I want to be sure and ready that this is the real thing, before I go into a relationship. I'm sorry, but I don't want to date for fun. Because if you do, by the end of it, it's not so "fun" anymore. I want to be in a relationship with the one and the only one I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. If you're afraid of commitment, then this is never going to work between us. Now the thing is, we're both not ready for that kind of relationship just yet. At this age and time, we're still too young to really decide. So we've got some growing up to do before we can get into a relationship.
Are you willing to do that?
Third, I've got a call in my life. I have to focus on that right now. And you know that, I think I made that quite clear to you. I've got to set my mind to the task that is at hand on my life. I want you to know that this relationship and you, is going to be second place as my cally is my first priority. I'm sorry but that's why it is going to be.
Can you handle that?
I just really wish that we can work through this because I really do like you. So those are the reasons why this is going to be a hard relationship to work at.
Lotsa love, Jana