Saturday, April 29, 2006
See, I can teach...I can't believe I'm leaving so very soon. Also it's going to be like really early in the morning so I doubt anyone will be able to send me off. *tears* I wish someone will be able to send me off.
Whenever that fact hits me, I keep having this waves of serious thoughts of all the things that I wanted to achieve before I left this place for my studies but will never be able to do now. Or at least, not until I come back.
Which is probably going to be in six months. I feel weird. It could be the corn that I ate a few hours ago as corn is known to make me a little bit weird at times, but personally I think it's the fear that's overwhelming me right now. There are a couple of reasons why I'm scared. Want me to enumerate them for you?
Yes or no, you don't really have choice. This is my blog after all. Therefore I shall reveal all that needs to be revealed in my life over here. Don't like it? Tough. I'm severely hormonely charged at the moment and therefore am not a force to be messed with. It's the corn.
Reason number one. I've seen a lot of people leave. I have been left behind a whole lot of times. Amid tears and hugs, there are promises of staying in contact and never letting go of our memories together. May I just say that that is complete and outright bull.
Except for the obvious exceptions, they always forget. They stay in contact the first few months, sometimes even just a month and then eventually they always end up forgetting about their friends that they have left behind.
Personally, I've always hated that. But now, I'm scared that I'm going to be like that. I'm scared that I'm not going to stick up to the promise that I made among my friends. That I won't forget them. That I will stay in contact. I'm afraid that I'll be one of those friends that forget.
Reason number two. The people left behind are also at fault, you know. I mean honestly, when people leave, they tend to forget them as well. They have this weird ability of eventually making the person who left, feel left out of things.
That has happened to me. I've been left behind a lot of times and there are times when I forget about them that have left. But you can hardly blame me. I mean... I'm a brainless moron.
Could not come up with an excuse. It would serve me right if I get a taste of my own bitter medicine. But being corn-hyped-up right now, I have to complain. Therefore I shall continue my complaining spree. Don't like? Once again, tough.
Reason number three. I am going to be phased out. Honestly. It's like when I come back, I won't be part of the crowd that I used to be a part of because I've been gone for so long.
Like I come back and I can't relate to them anymore. They went through experiences and moments that I can't understand because I wasn't there. They're going to grow closer and change because of those moments and I won't be a part of it. Therfore being phased out.
Reason number four. I'm totally going to miss my family. I have never been aways from my family for more than ten days. I'm talking about months and months of total independence. How am I going to survive that?
Yes, I know that I have to leave the nest soon, but does it have to be this soon? I mean it's different to suddenly be living with people whom you only see whenever you go back for the holidays.
Six months may not be long, but it is for me when I have never spent more than ten days away from them. Those ten days I first spent without them, my mom made sure I had enough clothes, clean pairs of underwear and socks to last without having to wash any of them. I'm a lazy bum-bum and plus she was afraid I'll lose my stuff.
Plus I'm a dependant little dork.
Before you all think that I'm gonna miss them only because of my dependence upon them, you are very gravely mistaken. I love my family to bits. I know there are writers out there who get their inspiration (or should I say anger?) from unfair parents, annoying siblings and an overall not-so-good-family experience.
Not me. My family is the best family ever. I wouldn't trade them for the world. They've been there for me through thick and thin. Yes I love them all to the very bits.
There are moments that I can do without, like when my brother gets into his little mood where he has to go out of his way to freaking annoy me to the very bone of my existence. Or like when my parents act like they are having PMS when it isn't my mom's time of the month and my dad is well... a guy. You know weirdly enough, they usually act like this when I'm the one with the period.
Or maybe I just notice this moments when I have my period and this is like my form of PMS.
*Ahem* Enough about the inner workings of my body. Moving on.
Reason number five.
I've run out of reasons.
Therefore I shall start a whole new and different topic.
[Insert death wails here] Nooo.
My laptop came back today and guess what? The LCD-screen-whatever is totally broken and messed up and it will only take time before my whole screen will deteriorate. To get this LCD-screen-whatever fixed I would need enough money that will allow me to buy a new laptop.
Now, if I could buy a new laptop, why would I waste my time with this old one? Meaning, I have no money to fix this LCD-screen-whatever, even more for a new laptop.
At the moment I hope my laptop won't deteriorate just yet as I need it. If not I shall suffer severely. Without my laptop or any computer of any kind, my internet blogging days shall be over. [Continue them death wails here]
My only chance is if I can get a computer from one of my tito and tita. (Tagalog 101, Lesson One. Tito means uncle. Tita means aunt. End of lesson.) They own like this internet cafe and there are computers that are never in use over there.
My mom is going to ask if I can buy and pay in installments from them. Please pray that my tito and tita will not be kuripot (Tagalog 101, Lesson Two. Kuripot means selfish when it comes to things. End of lesson.) and they will pity their very pitiful niece and actually let that happen.
Oh please let this happen. Internet is one of the main connections I have with this country when I go. I need this. I want this.
Anybody care to make donations to me for a new laptop?
Alright, how about just a pendrive?
Lotsa love, Jana