Tuesday, May 23, 2006

An entry of an ending...

"Jana, how long have you been sitting there?"

No matter how loud I play my music, I can hear them. It's as if they were the voices in my head. I try my best to shake them off. To turn a deaf ear to their words. To pretend they never said a word. I stare at the screen, hoping that they were talking to someone else who had the same name as I did.

I mean Jana is the 49th most famous female name in America.

"Jana, seriously, have you even gone to the toilet since you sat there?"

I squint harder to give the impression that I was too sucked into what I'm doing to be paying attention to any disembodied voices floating anywhere near me. I tug at my shirt in such a way, hoping that they would get the signal that I was trying to send.

The I'm-busy-at-the-moment-so-can-you-please-stop-talking-to-me-and-leave-me-alone-you-bloody-voices-that-can't-seem-to-notice-that-I'm-busy-signal.

"Jana, have you eaten already?"

No I have not! My brain demands me to scream at them, but I ignore the urge. I know if I give in to such an urge, they would have won. I've got to stand strong. I've got to keep my cool. I've got to. I just got to.

"Jana? How long do you plan to sit in front of the computer? Honestly, you've been sitting there and doing nothing but stare at the screen since this morning."

"I am not just staring at the screen! I'm typing stuff!"

Oh crud. My mission have failed. They now know that I have noticed them. I have lost. Now that they know I hear them.

"Jana, I really need to use the computer. Can you please move now? You've been there since this morning."

And that ends my entry.

Lotsa love, Jana



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