Saturday, May 20, 2006

Not like you'll be reading this...

Once again, I'm thinking of you.

I stand back, this time and watch you fall. Instead of coming to your rescue, I try to walk away, but I don't go anywhere. I stand there and just watch you fall. I want to run to you and help you up, but I know that when I do I, in turn, will get hurt.

I will fall.

I know I should listen to them. I should just turn away and continue walking in a different direction. I should open my eyes, they say, to the fact that you don't need me. That you never needed me anyway. You never needed me at all.

It's not as if I still love you. It's not as if I'm not over you. I'm with someone else now and I'm very happy with him. But everytime I think about you.

It hurts.

The fact that hurts most is that, you said I was your everything, but you had no trouble walking away from me. You had no trouble turning your back on your-so-called-everything. You didn't even look back.

But when she left you. When she left you, you cried and you broke down. When we were together you said she was just a friend. Yet she made more impact with you than I ever could.

I don't love you now, but I did love you. One time in my life, you meant the world to me.

What was I to you? Chopped liver? That you can just throw me out of your life and you can turn away without giving a care? What?

Why do I even bother to help you? It's not as if you ever let me in, even when we were together, you never let me in your life.

Come to think of it, I was never your everything. She was. I just happened to be around to cover for her. Tell me, did you think about her when you were talking to me? Well, did you?

I wish I can say it serves you right that she left you. I wish I can say that's what you get for hurting me like you did. I wish I could do that. But I can't because I don't hate you. I don't. I still want to be a part of your life.

Yet, I know I can't. So from now on, please stay away from me. You've hurt me more than you could possibly imagine.

Though in fairness to her, she's very pretty. I understand why you want her. I never stood a chance against her.

Not even a little bit.

Lotsa love, Jana

Labels: Lying broken in pieces, The Used To Be

by jana at 3:53 PM |