Saturday, July 29, 2006

So I contradict myself, so what...?

Here I am once again, facing a very empty and blank screen.

How many times have this happened?

Out of the blue, I'm overwhelmed with feelings of sharing, typing, putting to words all kinds of thoughts that go in and out of my chaotic mind. I run here and there to get any kind of medium to get the words out, from nice-looking-expensive-notebooks, to bus tickets that I have managed to accumulate over the months, to even a computer where words can easily be formed and deleted and re-typed and deleted again and then typed out until you get the exact words that you want.

Only to accidentally delete it all again and you have to start over with a new topic because you can't remember what you were talking about in the first place; never really being satisfied with it because your first thought is definitely more funnier/striking than the one you're now stuck with.

Anyways, before I lose my point to the inner depths of the rubbish that can be found in the inner depths of the oblivion and bottomless pit that is my grey matter, I need to constantly state that I have no idea what to blog about.

Yet, I want to form words.

I've always wanted to be a writer. Yes, that is my ultimate dream. To have an all out, interesting, whatever-blah-blah-yada-yada-yada bestseller.

Yep.

But though I have an outstanding vocabulary (I really do!) I just can't seem to call upon them when I need them. Instead of saying something is antiquated, I say it's old. Instead of narcissistic, therefore making me sound so smart and intelligent, I would type out the-kind-of-people-who-like-to-only-think-and-look-at themselves-and-pretty-much-find-themselves-greater-than-everyone-else, giving the impression that I'm a drunkard without the ability to use proper adjectives/nouns.

I just don't have the ability to type-up words that would impress people. I would just feel so totally idiotic instead of the other way around.

Maybe this is why I'm never going to be asked to be a professional blogger. I probably won't be asked by a publisher for a book deal. Because unless someone out there prefers really-really-nice-and-so-very-easy-to-talk-to-and-really-freaking-easy-to-borrow-money-from to affable, I have no chance whatsoever to become a writer.

Maybe that's why I didn't take that as my college degree.

Ah but to go on back to my original point in the first place.

An empty screen.

Which isn't so empty anymore.

Funny isn't it? I mean, there I was in the beginning complaining about the lack of words that I can put in a blog entry and suddenly just talking about it gives me ideas that I can type about...

I cannot believe I made a long entry about not having anything to say.

Talk about contracdicting yourself.

Lotsa love, Jana

Labels: Life in the form of chocolate

by jana at 3:32 PM |