Thursday, October 19, 2006

Chocolate overdose...

I was watching this one movie and I realized I have found one sure fire way to not be hideously murdered.

You see, I've found the secret to the twisted minds of murderers out there.


Oh wait no. That's my secret.

I meant to say... Routine.

Case Example: The Watcher aka The-movie-I-was-watching-the-night-I-discovered-the-secret-of-all-murderers-based-on-this-one-plot-and-deciding-all-on-my-own-that-all-murderers-are-like-that.

The guy in The Watcher, played by Keanu Reeves (aka Man-this-guy-is-hot-with-long-hair-and-is-it-so-twistedly-wrong-if-I-just-want-hug-his-character-and-I-day-dreamed-that-I-would-be-one-his-targets-and-somehow-by-the-carefully-place-smile-his-heart-would-melt-and-he-would-realize-his-mistake-and-we-would-be-married-and-live-happily-ever-after), David Allen Griffin, who watches his victims for weeks and weeks until he completely memorized his target's schedule and just waits for that certain night she is alone and...


She's dead and David is dancing with her dead body. I would say lucky corpse, but... being dead is never a good thing.

That's when it hit me.

Routine is the main evil in all of this!

Down with the routine! Down with predictability!

I figured, I'm never going to get murdered. Can you imagine what David Allen Griffin would write in his little notebook when he sees my schedule?

Day 1
Sleeps all morning
Wakes up to drink a glass of water
Sleeps all afternoon
Watches tv in bed
Gets up and eats a horse sized-mound of chocolate
Overdoses on said chocolate.
Falls back to sleep.

Day 2
Wakes up really early
Hangs out at the mall
Gets lost in the mall
Finds way out of the mall
Takes a bus ride home
Miss the bus stop and gets lost on the way back home

I can almost imagine David throwing his pen away and admitting that he has met his match and then he'll decide that I'm the girl for him.

He'll marry me and we'll live happily ever after.

And that's another lesson you need to learn when it comes to avoiding being hideously murdered and find a hot husband.

Next week, I'll tell you all about pecking ducks and flying squirrels. And how to invoke their favor so that they would turn into cool buckets of chocolate.

Cause lets face it, chocolate is the only way to survive in this country.

Lotsa love, Jana

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