Friday, November 10, 2006

Weird number...

I've realized that I am an outsider.

For the 3042.52nd time. More or less.

David, my friend from Myanmar, and I were talking about how hard it is to live in the Philippines because of different mindsets.

That's when I realized for the 3042.52nd time that I'm probably never gonna fit in in my own Mother Country.

David said,

You only look like a Filipino. Your skin color, your outward appearance all show that you're a Filipino. But inside, you're really not like them. You're different inside.

Ok, so I made some alterations here and there, but that's basically the element of what he was trying to say.

At least I'm pretty sure that's what he is saying.

So there I was after that conversation, sitting on one of the seats in the bus, unable to take my weekly-I'm-so-tired-because-of-traveling-a-lot-and-stuff-bus nap.

And I realized.

I'm never gonna fit in.

It's depressing.

I cried.

A lot.

Then I fell asleep.

Lotsa love, Jana

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Blogger Queen Sana said...

I'm never going to fit perfectly in here. I know it's different because I'm not Australian, but you know what?

I wouldn't fit in in India either.

I wouldn't WANT to fit in in Australia, because I'd have to start dating, possibly have sex, and dabble in SOME form of narcotic to have something in common with a good half of my class.

I wouldn't want to fit in in India, because I'd be the least bright and the least hardworking kid there, and the politics are so horribly corrupt, and young ladies are groped on buses.


Fitting in is allllll relative.

And remember, you don't have to be OF them to be ONE OF them.

I'm pretty happy here :) My decisions on abstinence and anti-alcohol are respected and I'm by no means treated like an oddity.

I love you muchly and I hope it looks up for you, you've got such a wonderful personality that it would be a complete loss to ANY society if they didn't welcome you with open arms.

12:59 PM 
Blogger jana said...

to sana, thanks that means a lot. it just sometimes suck, that i'm never gonna fit in in my own home country...

it's like i'm disowning my birthright or something like that.

6:23 PM 

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