Wednesday, December 06, 2006
As if...I lied again.
My smile said one thing.
"Of course I'm alright. Look, I'm smiling. People smile when they're alright. And I am alright. See the smile! I'm smiling."
My brain screamed another.
"Oh leave me alone! I do not want to decorate no cottage! I do not want to look alive! I wish the whole play involved on blank faces! So that I don't have to smile! Because right now that's basically lying!"
I honestly feel so fecking botchy.
But it's the Christmas season.
Got to show the Christmas spirit.
Got to be Christmassy!
Even if the very least thing that I want to do right now, is to stand in front of tons of people and smile. As if, as if... nothing was wrong. As if, I felt like the happiest person in the world.
As if, Glen didn't hurt the bajeebers out of me.
As if, no one abused my trust or insulted me.
As if, I didn't miss my family back in Brunei. And basically Brunei as a whole.
As if, I am not over all greatly disappointed with humanity as a whole.
Lotsa love, Jana