Saturday, March 31, 2007


Got some time to myself again.

My parents and brother, after arriving for two weeks to spend summer vaction with me and of course to attend my graduation, have left today to go back to Brunei.

Without me.

I feel alone again.

But got to shake my mind off of it. Got plans for the summer and I intend to enjoy myself during the holiday.

Either enjoy myself or die trying.

I actually have plans of working this summer that is at least for a month at the place where my cousin works now. He said you could earn a lot of money in just one month of employment. The main requirement is that you could speak fluently in English and I think I got that down pretty much.

I also plan on spending the next dew days trying to forget about the Guy and the fact that he is trying to win me back.

He's doing great and he does make me laugh now...

But there's this thing at the back of my head, a voice that doesn't seem to stop yammering and yammering. Saying things that keeps resulting in me resisting and fighting it, him, whatever.

He might not do it again, but then again he might do it again too. Then you're gonna get hurt. Again. Then you're right back where you started except this time it's all your fault because you let him do it again to you.

Dumb moron.

Bladdy heck.

I need to get away somewhere. It seems this whole sad-thing isn't working for me. Got to get my lousy sense of weird freaking weirdo sense of humor back or I think I'm gonna die and I'm gonna die hard do you hear me?! so bladdy heck got to get bladdy heck of a mind together and start thinking of other things like food and how I haven't eaten lunch yet because I was too tired once I got home that I forgot I've been travelling on an empty stomach that was full last night on ice-cream, chocolate, fruit salad, coke, sphagetti and other junk food like chips and stuff and I really need to realize that there is more to life than ending a relationship with the Guy and said life does not include sitting down on my bum typing in long paragraphs that makes absolutely no sense even though that's exactly what I've been doing right now.

Got to get some air.

And a shower.

I smell bad.

Lotsa love, Jana

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