Wednesday, June 06, 2007


"What have you always wanted to accomplish?"

Heck of course my answer would always be to write and publish a book. My computer files and various unfinished notebooks is evidence enough of the failed attempt that have been taken to write a famous all awe-inspiring encompassing best-selling oh-my-gosh-you-got-to-read-this-come-on book.

But I have never gotten around to finishing one.

Why? Because before I even finish typing the fifth chapter, I have a brand new idea for a story that just has to be written before I lose my inspiration or I meet a writer's worst enemy, Mr. Writer's Block. Sometimes, I even slam painfully against his evil step-mother, the meaner and more sadistic, Mrs. Writer's Humongous Wall So Big It's No Longer Just A Block It's A Freaking Wall.

But, you have got to believe me. I want to be an accomplished writer. When I die or fall into a giant pit or disappear or have my head cut off by evil kidnappers that kidnap journalists and show them off on TV and since no one really gives a crap-head about me and therefore no one pays for my ransom they cut my head off because I'm just taking space and therefore I die and that's when the world will realize that they have lost a writing genius and then they're going to go through all my writings and they're going to say, she was amazing and it's too bad we didn't appreciate her genius-ness when she was still fecking alive and now that she's gone let's build a shrine for her and have psychologists all over the world read her writings and try to analyze what she meant when she wrote some junk like "I need to pee" that just happened to spill out of my continually-dropping-in-IQ-pathetic-excuse-of-a-brain to see what I really meant and how it would affect my fans all over the world when all I really meant was I need to use the freaking toilet to freaking release waste products in the form of liquid.

Anyway, when that happens, I want people to think that I was a writer.

Am I ever going to be acknowledged as a real writer?

I hope so.

I mean this is the only aspect of being an artist that I can grab on without people painfully wishing that I just crawl back into the hole that I have come from. I can't be a painter, even an abstract one because I just don't have the talent for it. Not a portrait or anything to do with drawing, because all I end up doing is copying off someone else's work. Song Writer? Can't come up with words that rhyme or lyrics that makes sense and yeah I know some bands actually are famous for the non-sense songs but heck I don't want that to happen to me. Singer? Please my voice sounds like the result of a threesome between a frog and a goat and bull. I'm the teenaged mutant not-even-a-ninja frog goat bull. Playing any instruments? Are you kidding me? My friends have been trying to teach me how to play anything and all I end up doing is remembering the first two seconds of anything and completely forgetting the rest for the rest of my life. It has been proven believe me. They say cooking can be an art, but my only specialty are instant noodles and I even burnt that once. I think if I end up as an old maid, I'm going to be living on take out for the rest of my most likely short life.

So yeah.

Writing is the only art that I can try my hand at and maybe even be a success at passing off as a real writer. And even though I get frustrated with the falling-IQ-brain of mine and people would think I was some kind of freak with some kind weird gene and therefore should be shot, I will still continue writing.



Till somebody does shoot me.

Lotsa love, Jana



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