Sunday, August 12, 2007

Out of there...

Dear Life,

I'm jealous.

How come when I left no one really seemed to miss me at all? I guess all I'm saying is I wish I had the attention that all my friends got when I too was leaving Brunei. I mean come on, they'll be back most likely, but me? I'm probably going to be stuck here for the rest of my life.

Not that I really mind. I mean I have grown fond of the Philip of Pines, and it has provided me certain joys and gems, that Brunei never once gave me but has instead chose to throw ice-picks and other sharp objects at me.

It's not that I really miss Brunei or anything. I mean, of course I miss Brunei, it's just that after a year and half in the Philip of Pines, you tend to move on and this country does grow on you. I do miss my friends and family over there. I miss the dependency attitude of mine which I could easily cultivate over there. I miss church, but Brunei itself? Not so much.

I'm jealous because it seems that I never really made much of an impact over there. It's like when I read all those entries of my friends and all those thoughts of people around them, I realized ohmyfreakinggosh did anyone miss me at all when I left or did I just become another once-upon-a-time member of a youth group, once-upon-a-time student of a school, once-upon-a-time living in Brunei.

Did I just waste ten years of my life?

Of course not. There has to be something that have made some sort of an impact on people around me. I mean ten years is a looong time and there just has to be something, right?

I think slowly slowly slowly, surely surely surely, my brain is adjusting and altering my perception of home and now there are times when I think of home, my smiling college-mates (read: Kuya) come into my mind. Home is slowly slowly becoming Philip of Pines.

Yet, I still feel this empty-weird thing every time I think about Brunei. I grew up there. Most of my character (good and bad) were formed over there. But I have a feeling that the next time I come back over there, I'm going to feel so empty. Like something would be missing.

Damien was right.

Things change when you've experienced life outside beautiful Brunei.

Lotsa love, Jana


And you know what else I'm jealous of?

Freaking countdowns. They all seem to be doing it and feck it, I never got the chance to make one of my own. It just so isn't fair.

I want a countdown.

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Blogger Rubianca said...

*thinks* No, you didn't waste ten years of your life... It just means that another chapter of your life has started once you came to Philippines. And Philippines turning into home in your heart is a good thing, isn't it?

No, you're not another "once-upon-a-time member" or something like that. You know that you're you. Don't be jealous over the fact that some people's entries don't include you, a lot of stuff may have been going on and whatnot... ^^

1:44 PM 
Blogger Queen Sana said...

It's freaky.

I've been wanting to post this EXACT post for a little while now.

Thanks for doing it for me....8 years instead of 10 and Aussie instead of the Phils...

But aside from that, I'm staking claim on this entry, too.

5:19 PM 
Blogger jana said...

well its been what i have feeling for so very long ever since a whole lot of students have graduated and started leaving brunei....

8:49 PM 

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