Friday, December 28, 2007

When home becomes a house...

Am in an internet cafe because finding WiFi here in Brunei sucks more than a vaccum.

So. Am in Brunei. Remember the prediction that I made a couple of days back about not fitting in and having everything change? Yeah, well you can call me a prophet or something because I was as out of place as a person who was addicted to beef in an all you can eat buffet for vegetarians.

Exaggeration aside, things have changed. A lot. It's not for the bad per se, but things have changed. I met with a friend and though she has changed, she is still pretty much the same, except different and dude I don't know how but darn it she pulled it off pretty well. Except time with the family, I think tonight was the only time I actually enjoyed meeting up with old friends here in Brunei.

Everything else was a shattering experience. It was like going to a place where you remembered everything and you remembered everyone except you forgot how you were supposed to act around them and all you ended up doing was smiling like a moron while everyone else smiled back and said hi and then walked away while you were still standing there smiling like the moron you so very are. Except it was exactly like that.

What have I learned so far? No matter how long you spend your time in some place, leave it long enough, and when you come back you'll find that you no longer belong and all you'll have left is a memory of way back when. A good memory, but still a memory and nothing more than that.

Guess Brunei isn't home anymore.

Lotsa love, Jana

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Anonymous nadie said...

and jana i'll be wanting that picture. grrrrrh. hahahha

5:23 PM 
Blogger Queen Sana said...

I know it's depressing, and I'm terrified that that'll happen when I go back too.

You're definitely right about it not being home anymore, though. Home's where normal is for you, and when you create a NEW normal, a new life, home follows you there.

Brunei's a chapter we all seem to leave behind. I think being in the outside world lets us know that you can't live in paradise forever.

Okay, so I exaj. But Brunei's always been like paradise. Tax free, great food, friends, pretty rambling.

But I can say I was HERE at the instant the new year started: It JUST turned 12.00 here.

Happy New Year, Jana...your brain always takes awhile to adjust to what your body makes it do. Like physically leaving a place and then emotionally letting go.

9:01 PM 
Blogger jana said...

to nadie, i left the cam back in brunei. nyahaha

to sana, guess my perfect brunei got shattered.

1:20 PM 

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