Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Gut eating feeling...


It's that feeling that feels like it's eating your gut out and sometimes you can hear the chewing loud and clear and sometimes you can drown out the sound with other thoughts and loud sounds but then out of the blue it's going to pop out to remind you that hey, my name is Regret and I'm eating your guts out.

Now, as a normal human being, I have a lot of regrets in my life. Though sometimes I wouldn't call it regrets, I would call them probably... What if thoughts. What if I did that, what if I did this, what if I didn't do that, do this, do anything but this? What if I was someone else, what if I wasn't like this, what if I didn't screw that, what if I allowed that to happen, what if I stopped that, what if I wasn't as impulsive then? What if...

I'd probably a lot sadder, happier, more laughter, more tears. My life would be probably 100% non-recognizable and I guess... I want to see that me who isn't me anymore.

Biggest regret: Lost friendship.

What if...

Lotsa love, Jana



Blogger Becky said...

Have patience with yourself. You are who you are so you can learn to be fully yourself. Without all the bumps in the road, there would be nothing to help you learn, grow, evolve, heal.

And yes, lost friendship is heartbreaking. But, as someone who's logged a few more years on the planet and who has had her own fair share of bumps in the road, I can attest that friendship is never really lost. Sometimes you each just have to separate so you can come back stronger. And even tho every day, week, month feels endless, time eventually does pass, bring you each into a new place - hopefully one where your friendship can flourish again. It's never too late. I reconnected last night with a very close friend I hadn't spoken with in 12 years, and it was lovely to see how we've both grown so much, but that our bond of friendship was never cut.

So, dear, have faith!

12:03 PM 

Post a Comment

<< Home