Saturday, December 13, 2008


So my Grandma died.

I want to be funny and witty about it, just so I can hide the fact that I'm very much devastated with the loss of another grandmother. I want to write in such a way that will cover it and hide what I'm feeling but since I'm not doing a very good job of pretending to be happy, I'm going to be depressed and be devastated without bothering to sugarcoat it with witty and stupid remarks.

My Grandma died last Monday, at exactly 11:55 pm. I found out the next day. Do you know what I did? I got up from bed and did my laundry. My shirts and certain pairs of underwear are probably salty from all the tears if someone was crazy enough to taste it.

Yesterday, I went to Pampanga and saw the body of my Grandma and there she was, just lying there not doing anything and I still remember what she looked like two weeks ago and it sucks how she's so thin and practically bones covered by skin and I cried silently because that's how the Macabali family cries. Silently.

The mother side, bawls and weeps and beats there chest. I think I'm capable of both and so I was able to blend into the environment.

So yeah, I was crying.

And this morning, they buried her. And now, I'm never going to see her again. Never going to watch re-runs of the same anime which she knows by heart because she loves watching TV. No more lying in bed and listening to stories about the monsters she sees when she was still a young lady.

And I miss her.

I miss her with everything that's in me that's capable of missing and I want to hold her again and hold her hand again and I wish I didn't spend so long far away from her and I just miss her so much.


Lotsa love, Jana

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