Sunday, March 29, 2009
I Introduce You to Another Stupidity SyndromeI've mentioned this a ton of times before, and I think I'm running out of ways to express it and I believe I should just get over it by now, but I can't help it. Every time I try to get used to it, it hits me harder than a truck driven by a drunk driver on steroids: I am leading a completely different life here than the one I used to know in Brunei.
This week, this realization came in a form of early breakfast with a bunch of guys back at the dorm. I have taken a summer class called Elementary Statistics, because I have not tortured myself enough during the school year, and so I thought that by voluntarily taking a mathematics subject it would probably be enough to do the trick of finally pushing me over the edge.
So anyway, breakfast with a bunch guys reads that I had to wake up early to study and do assignments with my guy friends who also decided to torture themselves with the subject. There we were: unbathed, smelly, eye-bagged, ready to hit those darn fecking books to finish an assignment and to study for a quiz, when I just realized something.
These guys, they're looking to me for help. They're depending on me. How absolutely wickedly cool is that?! And I realized that back in high school, during those dark dark ages, I had ruined absolutely any chance I could ever have of having normal friendships with the male species. Why? Because every male friend I had, there was always this color of maybe this guy would end up liking me too and maybe I like this guy too and maybe we could be a great couple and end up together and have a wonderful marriage with kids and flowers and a backyard and front yard and a pool. This is something I'd like to call guy friendship ruined because of stupidity syndrome.
But here, here in the great Philip of Pines, it seemed I was capable of getting friendships without ruining it because of that stupidity of mine. And now, I have close guy friends with whom I could be weird and funky and smelly and unbathed and they wouldn't care because we're friends and there would be no color of maybe we're meant to be because I would know them too well; well enough to realize that dude, I want that house, and that backyard, and that front yard, and that pool, and marriage, with babies with someone else because you and me, we're only good as friends.
And that moment felt so good, because I've never had normal male friends before and suddenly I have a group of idiots with whom I can be idiotic with. Guys who can be the older brother figure that I've always been looking for. Guys I could go cross-country with and there would be no issue, or awkwardness at all because we're just a bunch of friends hanging out.
And so I spent most of the morning doing our assignments together and studying for a quiz and them throwing hints that I smelled bad, and me saying that at least I looked prettier than them. They're smelly and more, I'm just smelly.
Here ends my discovery on how my life now isn't the same as before.
Lotsa love, Jana