Wednesday, October 14, 2009

From the Down Up

It's been a while.

And what can I say?

The last few weeks have been a horrendous roller-coaster filled with ups and downs. And sometimes I wonder, should I say anything anymore? Should I just shut up, and just say only positive things so that the whole world would be fine, thinking that I was fine? Should I hide behind a facade of happiness so that people won't be "stumbled" at how sad I truly feel, because everyone should always be blessed in what I say and do?

But I am so freaking tired of it. I was never like this, and I never really cared about what other people thought of me, and so why should I start to care now? I was never known to hide my feelings for very long, no matter how much I made myself believe that I tried to only later prove to myself that I didn't even take the first step to trying and man this sentence is quite long, because I'm sure it no longer corresponds to proper grammar rules, but you know what Ms. Old English Teacher of Mine, I do not care what you think, and this sentence started and ended in ways completely unrelated to each other.


To heck with ranting.

I have just done a lot of things in between those three dots up there and now, as I'm typing and you know what, pumpkins? I'm feeling really good today, because of all the things that have happened, with all the people that I've talked to, and all the deeds that I have done. Everything is good and I think it's because for once in a very long while, I didn't care what anyone thought.

If I'm going to be happy, I'm going to show it, and if I'm angry, sad, pissed, depressed, for whatever reason, I am going to freaking show it, why? Because this is who I am. I am going to be what God created me to be, and unless I'm doing something wrong in my life, I don't see any reason to change whatever unique qualities that I have.

I'm loud, proud and happy.

Lotsa love, Jana



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