Thursday, February 04, 2010

It Was A Journey

A journey home.

Sometimes it takes years, sometimes just days, sometimes even hours, but if you're like me, a journey back home will always be hard if what you left behind are filled with broken promises and painful tears.

The first time I found home, I was ugly, broken, bitter, angry and in tears. I wasn't even really a child of that home to begin with. I didn't expect to be welcomed because honestly, if an ugly and dirty child matched with a crappy personality came up to you, it's going to be pretty hard to welcome her into a perfectly clean world. But He did. He welcomed me to His home, and He told me that it could be my home.

The first time I came home, I didn't think I'd have the gall to leave again. How could I leave and spit upon the kind Father who took me in? How could I slap in the face and say I needed something else?

But I did leave.

I left, and like a disobedient adopted daughter, I wasted away my life once more. What He made clean, I sullied and I dirtied. I spat upon Him, over and over again. Every single time I promised that I would come back, only to be tempted away again to my vices.

I left behind a broken promise.

How could I come back? How could I look upon His face again? How could I? After all those times, how could I even have the courage to come back? It was impossible, unthinkable. My sins were too big.

"My daughter I will always welcome you home,"

That's what He said when I finally had the courage to come back home. I thought He'd shout a little bit, or make me stand outside the rain. But He did none of that. He just looked me in the eye and said that He would always welcome me home.


Lotsa love, Jana
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