Sunday, May 28, 2006

The weirdness of love...

So this weekend has been interesting.

From now on, I shall refer to the guy who I once was so head over heels in love with, but somehow that relationship ended up really hurting me. He shall be referred to as the Used To Be. Reasons? Because I used to be so in love with the guy and two, I was listening the band called The Used when I was thinking up of the nickname.

Anyway, on to the interesting things.

The Guy and I are well doing good. I mean, things are going great on us. He is sweet and he treats me right. He is even willing to let me choose our song. Which is really sweet. Also! My mom knows about him and she likes him. So basically, things with the Guy is going very good.

The Used To Be talked to me yesterday. For the first time since we first talked, he initiated the conversation. Those who know the Used To Be, that is a very rare incident, close to a miracle. All the time we were together, and that was more or less a year, he only did that three times.

First was when he first expressed interest in me.

Second was when he told me about a song he heard that reminded him of my nickname.

Third was now.

What did he say?

[The Used To Be = "utb"] [Me = "me"]

utb: Do you believe I still love you?
me: ... Well you haven't said that in a while... so I thought maybe... you didn't.
utb: I thought that isn't something just friends tell each other.
me: ... do you?
utb: I do.
me: ... you still love me.
utb: Very much so.

That well... shocked me very much. It was such a shocking news. It shocked me.

I was shocked.

Anyway, I'm kind of confused at the moment. Not because I don't know who to choose, but because I don't know how to tell the Used To Be, that I moved on.

I mean, two to three months ago, I would have totally appreciated that. I would have jumped at the opportunity to run back to him. But, I can't. I love someone else. I love the Guy. I haven't told the Used To Be yet, but I will when I have the chance. It's better if we just stay friends now.

Not because I have the Guy now. No, but because, there is just so much baggage between me and the Used To Be, that we can't get back into any relationship at all. I moved on.

I love the him, he was the first person I gave my heart to and I'll never stop loving him. That's the truth, but I can't be with him. I moved on.

On a lighter note, I went to church today and oh my gosh. I met my old, long long ago, classmate... and according to my mom, my childhood sweetheart.

By that I mean, CHILDhood. We were kids and we were close, then I moved to Brunei. I cannot believe I saw Mr. Miranda again. After all this years... I saw him again.

I even have a picture of the guy and me holding hands.

I was seven the last time I saw him.

Lotsa love, Jana

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Blogger Queen Sana said...

Its all about timing, isn't it? I mean, just like your childhood sweetheart, UTB is another part of your life less sweet, but just as far away from your present self.

Does that make sense?

6:20 AM 
Blogger jana said...

Yep. You know, the timing is always so bad for me. Ah well... at least I have the Guy. He makes me happy... and he knows all about The Used To Be.

So far away from my present self

12:51 PM 

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