Thursday, December 07, 2006
What He deserves...So I was wondering, why the heck did I choose to study here in the Philippines anyway?
Why, when I could have had the chance to study in Brunei with my friends and family? Why, when I could have avoided all this pain and suffering of separation from all things normal in my life?
Because God called me to.
No I did not hear a voice from heaven shouting,
Jana study in a Bible College! Give up your dreams of being a journalist and serve me cause yeah I said so!
No, that does not happen.
Nor did I see an all encompassing vision from heaven of flying chariots from out of nowhere telling me to forever throw away my pen and dreams of ever being on small print in some newspaper from some country that no one will probably ever notice and instead study in a Bible college.
It was just a simple call. A tug in my heart and then a couple of confirmations here and there. And I was sure.
I was sure that this is better than any job.
Sure I'm not gonna get any money from this. Probably never gonna get my name in bright-oh-my-gosh-it's-so-bright-I-can't-even-see-it-lights.
But I did it anyway.
I chose to stay here, away from my family. Away from my friends because I want to serve Jesus. I'm willing to, and I say this with extreme fear and trembling as if saying it might really mean that's what's going to happen to me, die for Him.
He want through a lot of crap.
Being betrayed by His closest friends and family?
Not a walk in the park.
And why did He do it?
Cause I sinned. Cause I fell and I would have to go to hell for that.
Never ask God what you deserve. Cause you deserve to go to hell.
But He loves me so much that He decided to die in my place.
So if it means I have to die and suffer a whole lot of crap because of Him, I'm gonna do it. Cause He deserves it.
He deserves all my love.
Lotsa love, Jana