Wednesday, February 21, 2007
You...I looked for you but you weren't there.
I decided forget it, I'm not gonna find you in this crowd of people that just popped out of nowhere. What with everyone elbow to elbow, face to face, hand in hand. It was just too darn crowded for anyone to find anyone at all.
But I needed to find you.
I needed to tell you that I forgive and that I'm sorry I didn't tell you that earlier. I needed to desperately say that I care for you even though I'm not that good at showing it. Needed to hold your hand and assure you that I'll always be here. That you'll always be important to me.
I needed to see you.
I tiptoed, trying to strain here and there, hoping that I would spot your head among the crowd of people busting about. I thought I knew you well enough to see differentiate your head from other floating heads over there.
But you weren't there.
I panicked. I thought maybe I was dumb to believe that I knew you as well as I did. What if there were just too many people around and I couldn't see you? What if you already passed me by and didn't notice me? What if you did notice me and avoided me?
I was getting frustrated.
With tears in my eyes, I decided to sit down. Sit back down to the same spot we talked for a very long time that one time so long ago. My eyes were to wet to pay attention to this person sitting there with me.
Where are you?
I guess the person noticed that I was crying and in silence, I was handed a hanky. I guess to wipe away my tears. When I did everything became clear. And I stopped crying.
I saw you.
You were here all along.
Totally weird dream I had last night.
Lotsa love, Jana