Friday, October 19, 2007
And you know why I'm scared and I wish I had the courage that you have. I wish I have boldness and the assurance that you have so that I won't get scared too. I wish I could look at you in the eye and tell you that I'm not afraid, like you can look at me and tell me that you're not.
But I don't and I am so depressed at the fact that I am scared. So darn scared. I am not sure and part of me wants to know and the other part just wants to hide from the truth so that if it is bad I never have to find out.
Except, in a way, knowing that you're not afraid and will not be afraid no matter what the outcome would be, it gives me just a bit of courage. Enough, that no matter what, at least I'll have you you by my side. When I look at your smile, encouraging me that it will be alright and I get, well, encouraged.
So maybe tonight, instead of being scared, I'll remember your eyes. I'll remember your words. I'll remember your smile.
And as I try to sleep, I'll clutch on that handkerchief that you gave me. The one that is soaked with your scent because I secretly took your cologne from your bag and sprayed it all over the hanky.
I'll clutch it close and remember you.
Lotsa love, Jana