Saturday, December 08, 2007

Tears of...

Chapel time.

People were buzzing and moving around, waiting. Waiting until the MC would stand and indicate that hey students get your bums into your seats cause we're like starting now ok? but in a much nicer and more polite term, producing the same results.

And stand and announce, she did. Included in one of her announcements were a list of names, which included my name, of students that the President of the the College wants to meet with later in the afternoon.

1.38 pm.

A little scared but students reassured me that this is probably a good thing. So I sat outside the chapel, forgoing my lunch because I was too nervous to eat, waiting for 2 pm with thoughts and thoughts playing and twisting around my head. This could be it. This could be the very blessing that me and my parents have been praying for.

Or it could mean that these students, including me, are in very deep trouble and the President's office can only mean one thing. Early graduation, i.e. expulsion. Which you know, didn't really help my nerves a lot. I never ever got called into the President's office for a good thing, except that time when our debate team won the national championship back in high school. The last time I went inside a President's office, was when I was accused of graffiti-ing the school. I lied and said I didn't do it.

Who would be proud of scribbling a scrawny, ugly "Hi" inside the school's comfort room out of boredom? It doesn't even count as a delinquent act.

The time drew ever nearer to 2 pm and the speed of my heart beating increased with each second that passed.

2.30 pm.

Inside the Academic building's lobby with the other students who were also called, my heart was somewhat reassured because most of the students that were present were the good boy/girl next door types who were very obedient and had good grades.

I felt extremely out of place in my jeans and red shirt and only wearing slippers, while they were still wearing their fine and neat uniforms. What in the world was I thinking, thinking that it was ok to wear slippers inside the President's office?! was the thought that kept messing with my head. He's gonna take one look at me and demand that I am to be expelled from school for disrespect.

2.45 pm

Inside the Board Room where all the meetings that had to do with the President were held. It's cold and I wish I had something to grip on. I'm nervous and yet somewhat hopeful. But I suppressed it. Don't count your chickens before they're hatched was what my Mom always reminded me, among other same old same old sayings that kept getting thrown at me, like smile, because you don't know who will be encouraged with it, obedience is better than sacrifice, or Jana wake up and wash your hair.

The President sits and my heart stops. He opens his mouth and I can hear what he is saying and I can't believe that I'm in this boardroom hearing this words. I'm so shocked and stunned that words barely registered until much later.

Much later.

It finally and completely registered into my brain that yes it's true. I, Jana Glaiza, am now a scholar and my studies have been paid for and I don't have to worry about a single thing when it comes to money and tuition fees and food here at the dorm.

I'm a scholar.

Jana, the lazy bum in high school with the lowest of grades because she couldn't care less, is now a scholar because God looked at me and though I didn't deserve it, He still gave me the scholarship that I've been praying and working hard for since I entered the College.

Is it stupid that I'm so happy I cried?

Lotsa love, Jana

Labels: Je, Life in the form of chocolate, Schoolingness

by jana at 8:35 AM |