Monday, December 10, 2007
Wondering...Once upon a time...
You know what, I don't want to with start that. Maybe I should just start with Back when time was young or maybe A long long time ago or I could use You know back when your mom and dad didn't exist yet and your grandparents were just wee little children... Yeah that could definitely catch attention, though of course not to be taken literally.
You know back when your mom and dad didn't exist yet and your grandparents were just wee little children there was a little girl who was lying in the hospital bed, asleep. Then suddenly, as if her body just realized that it was freezing cold, she woke up shaken from dreams of fire and fear and pain. The cold felt as if it was tearing right into her very being, pumped by her heart, running in her veins, replacing her own blood. She tried to go fetal position, to keep herself warm, but painfully realized that she's practically tied down in one place because of the tubes found connecting to her lungs and to the vein on her right hand.
She opens her mouth to ask for help, for someone to make the cold go away. It was way too too cold. Sounds escape her mouth, she felt like she was shouting but it didn't seem like she was for no one came to her rescue. She wasn't used to no one coming to help her. She was a smart girl and she knew no one could resist her when she asked for help. She was seven and cute, who could resist that? She waited a bit. Surely they would come. Surely they would. Minutes passed and no one came. It was still cold and she was still alone.
A tear falls and she felt a sharp sting of pain from where the salty drop splashed on her cheek. And she remembers why she was there in the first place. That nightmare of fire and pain, wasn't a nightmare after all.
Eleven years later, trying to overcome her insecurity from the scars that she suffered and fear of being alone and cold again, the not-so-little girl sits on a chair in a library in a college, reminiscing. If you ask her, if she would be given another chance would she allow herself as a child to go through that, she'll probably say no, I want something different. She's not gonna lie and tell you that she doesn't wonder what her life would be like if she weren't burnt in that accident all those years ago.
But she is happy with herself right now. Things are going well for her. She's got a full scholarship and a loving significant other. Her family loves her and she's got great friends to rely on whenever she needs it. And yet, she wonders and wonders what life would be like if that night never happened.
Is it wrong that she does?
I was just wondering.
Lotsa love, Jana