Tuesday, March 03, 2009


So hard.

It's so hard to say the words when you say it like that. It's so hard to stand and fight when you lie down and surrender. It's so hard to look into your eyes when you keep looking away. It's so hard to work hard for first place when you've already assigned me to second-best. It's so hard to keep coming back when you keep walking away. It's so hard to stay awake when you've already fallen asleep. It's so hard to work at it, when you've decided it isn't worth it. It's so hard to believe when you doubt. It's so hard to continue when you think it's time to stop.

It's so hard, but what am I supposed to do?

I can't give up because I wasn't raised that way. I can't give up because I don't know how it's like to lose you. I can't give up because I just can't. So if I have to force you to speak, pull you onto your feet, drag you forward, hold you back, keep you awake, encourage you on, believe in you, and to continue even if I too want to stop, I would.

Because I love you too much.

Lotsa love, Jana

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