Sunday, September 12, 2010

Where I Dream About Falcons and Dinosaurs

I woke up from a good nightmare today.

It had felt so real that the moment I woke up, I thought about it, and I cried about it for a little while. It was lame, and emotional, and blame it on the monthly visitor of blood, so yeah I cried about a stupid dream.

In my dream that was so real like, I'm in this loving relationship with my significant other, the Turtle. He was a falcon god (because nothing is more real than the love of your life turning into a bird every now and then, flying off to do important missions for the greater good of mankind). And we were happy.

But then I met a friend's brother. He was cute, and he was funny, and he made me smile all the time. In fact whenever my falcon god would fly away on his mission, he would always be there to accompany me. Always be there to make me feel awesome, when I missed the Turtle.

Soon enough, I felt myself falling for this friend's brother (who, for the life of me, I can't remember how he looked like, and even whose friend's brother he was supposed to be. All that was clear was that he had a slightly cute goatee). At a sleep over he pecked me on the cheek and told me he loved me.

Then a unlikely mailman came (well hello, Barney the Purple Dinosaur from my imagination, I should have realized I was dreaming when I saw you deliver that letter), with a letter shaped like a falcon, don't ask how, it was just falcon shaped. The letter only had four words:

"I love you more."

But the dream me knew that I loved someone else. It was no longer the falcon god. It was my friend's brother. And we, lamely, walked toward the sunset walking hands, while a falcon lay on the road behind us, crying in pain because of a broken heart.

I woke up.

And I thought about it.

I felt good during the dream.

But I felt good for all the wrong reasons.

I cried, mostly because I'm hormonally unhinged during the first two days of my monthly visitor, but partly because I hated my dream self for feeling good at cheating on the one person I love. I thought could this be possible? Would I ever actually do this to him? I hated the very thought of it.

As I cried, he called me.

Not the friend's brother, my falcon god called me, but this time he was just my normal significant other. And he proceeded to make me laugh, and laugh, and laugh till my tears were no longer there and all I felt was contentment. No friend's brother could ever give me the kind of love my falcon god could give.

Any good dream that ends with me hurting my falcon god is never a dream worth repeating. It is nothing but a nightmare worth forgetting.

I love you my falcon god.

Lotsa love, Jana

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