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Thursday, June 30, 2011

Law School Blues

I hate being stressed out.

Honestly, I'm a pretty laid back lady. I prefer doing things on my own pace, and just enjoying life as it comes day by day. Life's too short, is what I always say, and to spend it with a stick up one's behind is waste life. I'm all up for working hard, and having goals, and dreams, and stuff like that, but if one isn't happy, then why must one continue on a path that only makes them miserable?

So I spent most of my life that way, and in fact that's how I spent five years of my college life. It was just me, enjoying my studies, loving it for what it is. It was hard, but I had fun. Why? Because I loved every single moment of it. I loved every single knowledge of information that I'm getting while I'm studying because Theology had become my true love.

Now that I've graduated, I decided to branch out and to try out a new area in my life. I embarked on the legal side of the planet. Law School was my next step. Before school got started, people already told me to be afraid. That it would be unlike anything you have ever experienced in your entire life. That there would be sleepless nights, and that there would stressful days.

I guess I let it color my life.

First few weeks of law school was hell on earth. I hated it with such a passion that I didn't know existed within me. I felt like I was stuck in highschool all over again. I questioned myself, telling myself that this couldn't possibly be the right path for me. I compared it to my undergrad years, and Law School always seemed to fall short of every expectation of happiness for me.

Three weeks, and I had decided maybe quitting right now, wouldn't be such a bad idea. Sure people are going to talk, and they're going to say aww poor baby, couldn't handle the pressure, and I would be fine, because I knew I would be happy. I hated the long hours of reading, and the digesting of the cases. I hated that I didn't seem to have the time to be laid back and to have things at my own pace. I thought I would enjoy studying about law, but the pressure is just too much.

I grew jealous of the rest of my batchmates, who had their life so easy. Some were working, some are taking licensure exams, and some are even getting married. They're moving forward with their life. Me? I'm still stuck in school.

Last night, I watched this movie called 3 Idiots.

It's a great movie about life, friendship and love. But what struck me most during the entire thing was how the movie dealt with the topic of education. From the leading man I learned three things:

Aal izz well - that the heart is an idiot, so when you're feeling the pressure all around you, tell it that aal izz well. It doesn't solve anything, but it'll give you the courage to face your fears.
This is college - not a pressure cooker, so why should I let myself be pressured by fear of the frantic race? Even a circus lion learns to sit on a chair in fear of the whip, but you call such a lion "well-trained" and not "well-educated".
Follow excellence - and success will chase you, pants down. I'll study my heart out, but not because I want good grades. I'll study to be accomplished, and not affluent.

Because of this movie, I realized that yes, I do love where I am. I love learning about law, and it's something that I've always had the passion for. I love that in the end, I would be able to help people. People who couldn't help themselves, and I knew deep down, I love that this is what I'm learning to do.

So, now, like Raju Rastogi, I'm not going to let fear decide my future. I'm not going to let the pressure get to me. I'm not going to let the stress of money, readings, cases, professors affect me anymore. Pass, fail, excel or even barely survive, it's not the issue anymore.

I want to study because I want to learn.

Aal izz well, people.

Lotsa love, Jana

Labels: Life in the form of chocolate, Schoolingness

1 Comments:

Ethlenn said...: And this is what I like! Don't you ever, ever! let flock decide what you are supposed to feel! If you want to learn the way you always did - do it, and don't mind the rest! Just because it's effective in their case, it doesn't mean it would be effective for everyone. Learning is a great pleasure in life and ruining it because you don't fit in some other flock is a pure nonsense!

Well, it doesn't mean you should lay back the whole days - get yourself a book and read, learn, but for yourself, as you said! This will pay afterwards. Grades? Who cares about grades? You can finish the studies with barely passed exams, but have true knowledge and be proud of yourself, and some may finish with top grades, but be always in fear of losing it.
Screw it, life is too good to be wasted on a rat's race anyway. let's waste it on learning and dramas!
Mwah, maknae ya!; 1:05 AM